First Entry (August 8, 2025)
This entry is just to test if everything works here. Code for the private entries are only available to my closest friends.
This entry is just to test if everything works here. Code for the private entries are only available to my closest friends.
Well, today was stressful. Work at the pizzeria was a mess from the moment I walked in. I dropped a plate right in front of a table, it shattered so loud everyone turned to look. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking after that. I spent hours buried in the sink, scrubbing an endless tower of dishes, water soaking my sleeves, my back aching. It was one of those shifts where honestly every second felt heavier than the last.
After clocking out, I barely had time to breathe before rushing to that job interview I’ve been waiting on. The whole bus ride there, I kept rehearsing in my head, imagining the questions they might ask, already knowing exactly how I’d answer. I went over my strengths, my past experience. I felt pretty ready. But the moment I stepped inside the lobby was too loud and I couldn't keep thinking and then I stepped inside the room where I get interviewed. It was quiet, my chest tightening, my thoughts scattering. The questions I prepared for came out differently, in ways I didn’t expect, and my answers stumbled out of my mouth like broken pieces that didn’t fit together, it was horrible. I could hear myself going off track, but for some stupid reason I couldn’t pull it back. By the end, I knew I fucked it up. I smiled anyway, thanked them for their time, and walked out feeling worst than when I walked in.
On my way to the bus stop, the air felt colder than it should’ve been. I passed places and faces that tugged at memories I’ve been trying to bury for years, the kind of memories that sink their claws into you when you’re too tired to fight. Mistakes. Regrets. The parts of my past I want to let go of, but can’t. I kept walking, pretending they weren’t following me, but they always do. I really am getting tired of this. I miss you my sky, my forest mountain, my Sora.
Things have been slightly better lately. I’ve been getting the hang of balancing shifts at the pizzeria again (the place I work at, not Freddy's), even if the stress hasn’t gone away. I think I’ve finally started to stop shaking every time something breaks. Small victories, right?
Also I actually worked on HelpyPAL again. It’s been sitting on my desktop for months, but I finally felt clear-headed enough to touch the code without panicking over every small bug. I think I’m getting closer to something real with it. I’m not ready to share it yet, but soon enough, maybe.
I stayed late after closing tonight. Everyone else left early, but I couldn’t bring myself to go home just yet. I sat in the dining area for a while, lights off, just the hum of the drink machine filling the silence. Sometimes I like how empty the place feels when no one’s around. It’s quiet in a way that feels honest, if that makes sense.
I thought about Sora again. I always do when the air feels heavy like that. I wonder if you’d still recognize me now tired, different, quieter than I used to be. I’ve been thinking about how HelpyPAL was supposed to help people feel less alone, and yet lately, I’ve been the one needing that the most. Maybe I built it for myself more than anyone else haha.
Not much to report, but I’ve been sketching new UI ideas for HelpyPAL and rewriting some parts of the dialogue system. I want it to feel more alive. It’s weird how much personality can come out of just a few lines of text.
I’ve also been considering making a little devlog page in this website to talk about how it works, once it’s less messy, perhaps in the HelpyPAL section of this website I still gotta think about it. Maybe next month!
I don’t even know what triggered it this time. It was a normal lunch rush loud, chaotic, plates everywhere and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I had to lock myself in the bathroom for ten minutes pretending to fix my hair until I could stop shaking. Nobody asked questions, thankfully. I hate that I can’t control it. I hate that it still happens.
I wrote a few lines of code for HelpyPAL that night, something about “breathing reminders” a soft message that appears when the user seems stressed. Maybe it’s stupid, but it helped me calm down just writing it. I will likely get rid of it tho, it's just nice that it helped me you know?
Lately, I’ve been staying up too late again. Coffee tastes stronger when it’s after midnight, maybe because everything else is quiet. I like those hours where the world forgets to be loud.
HelpyPAL has been growing fast I think I’m close to finishing one of the modules. I’ve been testing its tone, its responses, how it reacts when someone writes about feeling lost. It’s strange to say but I genuinely do love talking to Helpy he is just so kind lol. Maybe I’ll show a preview here soon.
HelpyPAL bugged out tonight while I was saving a few changes. Out of nowhere, this loud garbled sound blasted from my speakers, like a mix of random audio bits from the project files mashed together with a printer trying to print lol. It only lasted a few seconds, but it scared the crap out of me because I thought it was about to crash everything.
Helpy’s sprite popped up for a bit, jumping all over the screen and duplicating itself. His eyes turned into a bunch of messy pixels that actually turned into spirals, and the background just went black with a ton of broken, blocky colors flickering everywhere, my computer at that moment was hella frozen as well. It was awful but also kind of funny in a “PLEASE don’t break my work” way. /sarcastic
Thankfully nothing got deleted or corrupted, everything’s still here and running fine. Just some weird error, I guess. Scared me for a sec, but all good now. I’m saving backups anyway, just in case it decides to do that again.